So, seriously, is anyone actually interested in a betting pool for this? Everyone drops in a gold and tries to guess the date that Keagan and the others get back, closest to it wins it all, or maybe the top three split it, depends on how many sign up? Or maybe we try and guess when Finlay's new best friend drags him back here, instead, so Jack and them can play, too, sure.

Fun and possibly profit for everyone! Or you know, everyone in or eventually arriving in Floran ... which so far as I can tell is at least half of the journal population, these days, Dragons.

You know what the best part about this time of the year is? People wear more clothes, you know, layers, and all of that. And the more clothes they wear, the more pockets they tend to have ...

Not to rub it in or anything, but it's such a shame you're still out there, Jack, Calaith. Terrance doesn't drink, and I could so afford a few rounds for all of us, right now.

[Filter: Private]

... I just hope she doesn't expect something like that every year. I mean, I lived. Sure. Somehow, against all reason! Who's to say that next time I'll be so lucky?

It isn't ... this isn't anywhere near as hard as it should be. Shouldn't it be harder? Why is it so fucking easy to just keep moving forward and pretending that if you never look back, maybe all the shit behind you will never catch up, after all. And that's not even all. That's not even the worst part, not really. I hate that even when things are good, somewhere at the back of everything, part of me is always just waiting for them to ... not be, again. Until it gets bad enough for her to realize ...

Haha, right now, I think she seriously thinks that everything is just ... perfect.

I'm such a fucking coward.

[Filter: Terrance]

So, while I'm out here and thinking about it, I have a question! Am I acquiring anything for Fayre for you, this year? You'd better let me know sometime tonight, because it's a pain in the ass to sneak out of there alone anymore, and I'm pretty sure that's only going to get worse by Tuesday. Depressing thought.

[Filter: Private]

No one's going to say it outright. I seriously wonder if anyone's even thought of it, but if we're talking pirates that have journals ... it's not like we've never seen that before. I figure everyone's just happy to assume it's no one we know, or at least, no one we've talked to on here. And I get that, but I sort of agree with Fayre. It'd be better to know than not, especially with one still out there. Something tells me we're going to be needing to get on a boat again at some point. We're pretty good about keeping our plans filtered among us, and something tells me that's only going to get better, after this ... but still, with as many people as we have you can't guarantee nothing's ever going to slip.

But the problem is, I only know one lady pirate on these journals, and ... well. Wouldn't that just be fucked!

It doesn't mean there aren't more, just watching. That would be the smart thing, but -- well, that's my problem! I just can't stop thinking, even when I'm probably better off just leaving it alone. Terrance is probably right, anyway, that journal's long gone. Who's ever going to know?

[Filter: Private]

It should not be fucking possible to attract this much trouble.

Dragons, fuck, I hate worrying about people.

[Filter: Franelcrew in Keagan's Group]

Right, yeah. I don't know how much anyone's told you all yet, because things have been a little crazy here since they all got back, so I'm going to assume no one's thought to say a damn thing, yet.

The worst people off are Kim and Fayre, but Lyonesse tells me they're being taken care of, and I'm not exactly inclined to argue. I doubt you want the details, they're not pretty. Elden and Elyiethe aren't so well off, either, I think, but you know how Elden is, he barely lets anyone touch him, and I haven't seen much of Elyiethe, I heard about that second hand -- sorry, Calaith. There's not much to say about the others, I guess. Everyone got off the boat, Lyonesse and Druce have the ones that need it chained to their bedposts or whatever ... yeah.

The courtiers didn't make out so well, but I haven't done a lot of asking about them. I guess if you're wondering about someone specific I can ask, or something. I don't have anything better to do, Dragons know.

[Filter: Jasmine]

Okay okay. Are you still sober enough to read, over there? This is important!

[Filter: Private]

... Yeah.

Yeah, you would think it would help. You check the windows, you go outside, you search the sky and every second that passes is longer than all the time since the festival combined. It doesn't fucking help, it makes it worse. Right now ... right now, things aren't great, sure. Lyonesse looks at her, and she looks ten years older than she is. That tells me all I need to know, doesn't it? Things are bad, right now, and they're getting worse. But there's hope. As long as they're still on their way, as long as Jonathan has that knowledge in his head and he's on his way it's so easy to sit here and think well, it'll be over, just as soon as he gets back.

And now he's almost here, and now, he'll be here tonight, and if it doesn't work? Haha, if it doesn't work, she's going to die. We all know it. She doesn't have enough time. What would we even do? Sit here and just watch it happen? Strap her on the back of a fucking Pegasus and hope the fucking thing doesn't throw a fit at the indignity, haha, maybe that. Fly her to that Kilian in Seshel and ... and pray, I guess.

Haha, but what are the chances it would help? It would be just like them, wouldn't it? This is their favorite fucking thing. You think you finally found something that makes sense, that you can have a point and a purpose and then haha no, actually, that was just a lie but we sure got a kick out of it, way the fuck up here. This is just what fits. What if she dies?

I really just -- I can't think. I just keep coming back to that and it's fucking stupid, Lawrence would kill me if he could hear half the fucking things

I don't know what I'll do.

I don't know why I'm even

What does it help, writing like this, writing in here. Holy fuck, I found her through these. I should have seen it coming. Why didn't I see this coming? I just couldn't let it go, I just had to wonder, I had to get involved and she never gave up, she was supposed to give up. I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to care and instead I'm sitting here losing my mind because

... It's been over two months. Those could be the last words she ever says, and I can't

Haha, because.

Because I love her.

Dragons, what am I doing, I need to -- I just need to do something, I need -- something, until they get here, until ...

[Filter: Lauren]

Hey.

Lawrence has been saying you're supposed to be bringing Jonathan back here. So, what the hell? They weren't that far off, what gives.

[Filter: Private]

Absolutely fucking unbelievable.

What do you even fucking say to that.

Finlay, and Jonathan. Of course. Of course!

[Filter: Lewis]

I'm sure you've noticed what's going on.

You have an army of your own, right? One that can move fast. Fayre's taking some people here, but if you want to help, you're not going to find a better chance than this.

[Filter: Private]

It's only a matter of time, right? We've got time. ... You would think that nothing would surprise me, anymore, considering, but they seriously just ... haha, just a random Kilian who just happens to be a healer who just happens to have experience with just this sort of thing who just happens to be willing to teach everything to another Kilian, who we just happen to have had around with us since the beginning. Hilarious. They make it hard not to believe in things like fate, I'll give them that. Not that I'm complaining, Dragons, I feel like I can breathe again.

[Filter: Druce and Jonathan]

Hey. Are you two going to be all right, next week, if anything happens? You've got the kids and four of our six sleeping beauties to worry about, not to mention Jonathan's quest to not let everyone down or else I'll have to kill him thing, here.

[Filter: Private]

How many times have I told her that everything would be fine. When it was Kail and that storm. Lawrence and those pirates, and let's not forget the close call in Razen! Everything that happened in Cleraine. Every time we think it's over it never is, it fucking never is.

This isn't going to be any different. It's just another stupid fucking thing we have to deal with so we can fix it and move on.

She isn't dead. That's what matters, and I don't give a fuck what any fucking mage has to say about what's happened with this before. Nothing that's happened before matters. We're changing everything everyone knows about the world, why not this too.

How many miracles have there been, right? Right.

[Filter: Franelcrew]

I hate to state the obvious, but it's been more than two weeks, now! I can't be the only one that's feeling a little bit like we sort of deserve some kind of update, over here at the home base, or whatever.

[Filter: Lyonesse]

If no one else is going to say it, then you'd better fucking believe I'm going to.

You need to get back here. You need to leave right fucking now and get back here, why weren't you here? You knew what was going on. You knew something was going to happen, it's the fucking Moon Festival, it's Keagan, it's Celeste, what the fuck? You can see Aileen any fucking time, it's not --

We need you here. I need you here, I can't fucking do this, you're the one that does this shit and I just can't -- Dragons dammit, why weren't you here?

[Filter: Celeste]

Are you actually avoiding me, or am I just imagining that one, too? Please, enlighten me.

[Filter: Fayre, Maeve]

All right, listen up.

I know you probably think it's fucking hilarious, telling everyone that'll listen to your bullshit whatever the fuck you think will stir the pot a little more, but holy fuck, that's enough. I don't give a shit how you people amuse yourselves, but I'm going to ask you, seriously, to drop this. We're not going to be here much longer, and this is getting completely out of fucking control, and do we really want whatever the fuck is coming to really be harder than it has to be?

Whatever the fuck you are, you're part of this group, and I'm sure there are a million fucking other ways for you to make nuisances of yourselves without actually fucking anything up, so just -- give it a fucking rest. Please.

[Filter: Lauren]

What the fuck have you been telling the Court, exactly, and more important, what the fuck have you been telling Celeste? You'd better answer this fucking fast, too, before I walk over there and find you, because if we have this talk in person it's not going to be fucking pretty, I promise.

[Filter: Private]

Haha, right.

I'm going to do this. Look at how fucking pathetic I am!

Holy fuck, I hate life.

[Filter: Sawyer]

I need to ask you for a favor. It's a pretty big one, and you don't really owe me anything, so feel free to tell me to fuck off, but ... yeah. Hey.

[Filter: Celeste]

Hey. ... Can we talk, for a minute?

[Filter: Private]

Not in the mood, right. Like she's ever not -- Well, hey, maybe I wasn't either, exactly, maybe that wasn't the point.

Or, you know, I guess it sort of was, wasn't it?

This is ... happening. It's really happening, right there in front of my fucking face, and I don't even know if she realizes it. And that just makes it worse, because if she was doing it on purpose, I could deal with that. That's just her, some stupid game to get me to say -- that, and it's not going to work.

And if she isn't, well. Then what's the point? This was always going to happen. I should be glad it's happening before -- haha, I should be fucking grateful, sure. Thanks for sparing me the indignity of admitting something fucking retarded out loud. Yeah, that sounds about right. Those are just the sort of blessings I deserve.

[Filter: Celeste]

You're So


Right, so. I figure you're probably busy, considering, but I also figure all of this isn't easy on you, either! So ... yeah. If Lauren tires herself out early, or whatever -- Jack and Terrance and I, you know, we've found some nice places out there. It's not Court, sure, but it isn't backstreet Norey, either, so. If you want to go out, get your mind off ... that, I don't have anything better to do. All right?

[Filter: Private]

It was always going to happen, wasn't it? I told her it was going to happen. I must have said it a thousand times, in all sorts of different ways, can you believe she actually used to get annoyed, when ... haha, like I was the stupid one. I was the stupid one, I always have been, but that wasn't why, now was it.


I had it all figured out, back then. I never should have ... haha, how many things should I have not done. Hundreds, thousands, there's a list I could spend the rest of my life adding shit to. It doesn't mean I have to watch it happen. How can I stand there and watch him just

I can't.

What am I doing to do for Rose Day, haha, what a fucking joke.

[Filter: Terrance, Jack]

... Right.

Not surprisingly, I've had enough of this fucking court bullshit, so if there were still plans to make nuisances of ourselves in the city, write me in for tomorrow. Or don't. You know, whatever.